m to the aura. (seeking_solace) wrote in wearenotblack,
m to the aura.

  • Music:

Maura's Rules to Life

1. You can almost never say no to a boy with a southern drawl (one of those debonair southern drawls, not the Cops-trailer-trash-drunken-idiot southern drawls).

2. You can absolutely positively NEVER say no to a boy with a British accent. It is against all common sense. It's against nature. It's been proven time and time again that British boys are just better. So you can't say no to them. It'd be like punching a baby in his or her face.

3. You can never punch a baby in his or her face.

4. If you are babysitting for small children, or any children for that matter, make sure you expose them to the wondrous world of music. If they do not own any musical instruments or toys that resemble musical instruments, you must make musical instruments. You must make them out of whatever is available. If you are babysitting a boy, teach him to play the drums, the guitar, and the bass. If you are babysitting a girl, teach her to play the drums, the guitar, and the bass. There shall be no sexism with the teaching of the instruments. For teaching of piano, rely on the parents to force their children to take lessons. You must make them musical geniuses so that they can make wondrous music in indie rock bands when they grow up.

5. Run around forcing odd people to listen to Cake's "Short skirt, Long Jacket". Oh wait, that's already been done and filmed for their video. Nevermind.

6. Wear only skirts. That applies to girls. Just girls. Boys should not wear skirts, not even kilts. Not even a British accent can save a boy in a skirt.

7. Wear a blazer everywhere. That applies to boys most of the time, but a good fitted blazer can do wonders for a girl. But boys need to definitely definitely wear blazers. It makes them look wondrous to us females.

8. Stay tuned for future Rules (or Rulse) to Life.
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